


Always

by beerbad



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Fluff and Angst, Gen, In Memory of Carrie Fisher, Missing Scene, Panic Attacks, Rey Needs A Hug, Separation Anxiety, That's Not How The Force Works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-22 22:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13176351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beerbad/pseuds/beerbad
Summary: Rey knows she needs to find Luke, but she has a hard time leaving Leia behind.





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> In which I fill my own [femslash kink meme prompt](https://femslash-kink.dreamwidth.org/21553.html?thread=2974001), because I love Leia+Rey hurt/comfort fic and I want more of it to exist, and process some of my own feelings along the way. Written as a missing scene at the end of The Force Awakens, before Rey leaves on her mission.

The sun was just beginning to set that evening as Rey walked toward the Millennium Falcon, heart pounding and head swimming with questions and possibilities of what training with Luke Skywalker would be like.  Chewbacca and R2-D2 were already onboard waiting for her as Rey had gathered her few belongings from the quarters she’d lived in for two weeks on the Resistance base.

It had only been two weeks, and yet it felt like Rey had lived a whole life since coming to the base.  Finn -- her friend Finn, her _first friend_ \-- still lay unconscious in the medbay where she visited him every day.  Rey had slowly but surely made other new friends as well as she adjusted to life in the Resistance, in a community.  Sure, there had been a community of sorts on Jakku, but it was such a far cry from what she experienced on the base that it didn’t seem right to use the same term for both.

The community on Jakku had been there for survival.  The Resistance was about survival too, of course, but it was also about building something.  Rey thought of all the people she’d met, so many friendly faces who actually cared about her wellbeing.  And then there was the General -- _Leia_ , she was still getting used to saying.  The bond with Leia had been there from the moment Rey first stepped off the Falcon and into Leia’s arms, long before they ever spoke a word to one another.

Rey replayed the scene in her mind as she stared out at the Falcon now, unmoved since its initial landing at the base.  She stared at the spot where she’d fallen into Leia’s embrace, and remembered how she had felt simultaneously both the saddest and happiest Rey thinks she’s perhaps ever felt in her life.

She thought of all the brave Resistance fighters, and Leia, and the lush trees and oh the _food_ on the base, the feeling of safety the past two weeks had given her, and the family she was just starting to build that she’d never had... and suddenly asked herself how she could possibly get back in the Falcon and leave it all behind.

At that moment the General herself descended down the ramp of the Falcon, as if on cue.  A pang shot through Rey’s heart.  As Leia gestured to her, drawing her closer, Rey reminded herself that this was a huge step in her journey and surely it was normal to have cold feet.  After all, she was only about to take a famous spacecraft she’d flown exactly once on a path through multiple star systems following a map people had _died_ for to find a man who until recently she thought was only a legend.

A look of concern crossed Leia’s features as Rey approached her, clearly sensing Rey’s trepidation.  Rey could feel her pulse steadily increasing, the clenching feeling in her chest getting tighter.  She knew she had to do this; find Luke, begin her Jedi training, learn all she could about the Force, bring Luke home.

If she could actually find him.  If he was still there to be found… if he _wanted_ to be found.

Rey looked into the General’s eyes, silently pleading for Leia to give her a reason, any reason, to stay on the base just a little bit longer.  Leia had already taught her so much about the Force, and she was _here_ , real and solid.  She’d taught Rey about life on the base, never judging her when Rey got something wrong or asked a million questions.  Leia was the leader of the Resistance and yet always had time to give to Rey; and more than that, it actually seemed as if she enjoyed Rey’s company.  She didn’t make Rey feel like an obligation.  She made Rey feel like she belonged.

“Alright, kiddo, it looks like you’re off,” Leia said, grasping Rey’s arms with both hands.  “I know this is scary, but you’re gonna do great.  I can’t speak for Luke, but you…”  She trailed off, pulling Rey in to an embrace.

Rey could feel herself on the verge of tears, her body quivering.  As she stood unmoving in Leia’s arms, Rey couldn’t help but think of all the nights on the base when she’d woken from terrible nightmares (of Kylo Ren, or Jakku, or both), and Leia had been there, explaining how she could sense Rey’s distress through the Force.  She thought of the way Leia always stayed with her until she could fall back asleep, hands stroking her cheek or forehead.  The same hands that were wrapped around her now, saying goodbye.

Maz Kanata’s voice echoed in her head then.   _Whomever you’re waiting for… they’re never coming back._

_The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead…_

Being here with Leia, with Finn, with the Resistance -- could that be what Maz had meant?  Rey’s hands tightened on the fabric of Leia’s vest.  She didn’t want to let go.  She knew that now -- that this is what she wanted.  A family, a sense of belonging, someone… someone to take care of her.  And if she left, she might lose it all.

The emotion welling up inside of Rey hit its breaking point then, and a harsh sob escaped her lips.  Tears started to fall suddenly as panic bloomed in Rey’s chest.  What if something happened and she couldn’t come back?  Or even worse, what if there was nothing, no one to come back to?

“Oh, sweetheart,” Leia said, holding Rey closer.  “You’ll be alright.”

“ _No_ ,” Rey gasped.  It was getting harder to breathe.  “I don’t want to go,” she managed to get out before hiding her face in Leia’s shoulder, overcome with sobs.

“Shhh…” Leia whispered, hands stroking slowly up and down Rey’s back.  When Rey’s crying didn’t let up, Leia started to rock their bodies back and forth, whispering more words of comfort into Rey’s ear.  The method that had so often calmed her after a nightmare had little effect now, for the kinder and gentler Leia was with her, the harder it was to think about letting her go.  It only made things that much worse.

“I c-can’t,” Rey tried to explain, face still buried against Leia.  “Please don’t make me go,” she sobbed.  A terrible fear was gripping her now, and even though some part of Rey recognized that it was irrational, her body was acting on pure instinct.  She knew she should be embarrassed, clinging to the General and bawling like an infant right there on the tarmac, but it didn’t matter.  The only thing that mattered was staying there in Leia’s arms, staying safe and loved and cared for for the first time that she could remember.

Rey’s breathing was getting more and more erratic as she gasped for air between sobs, hands tightly fisted in Leia’s vest.  She was starting to feel lightheaded from the lack of oxygen, and for a horrible moment she thought she might actually pass out or be sick.

“Okay, Rey, I want you to take a deep breath,” Leia prompted, clearly feeling her struggle.  “Can you do that for me?”

Rey tried to inhale deeply but the tightness in her chest wouldn’t allow it, her terror building with each increasingly shallow breath.  She shook her head where it still rested against Leia’s shoulder, the fabric now soaked with Rey’s tears.

Leia put both her hands on Rey’s cheeks and managed to lift her head up enough to look into the girl’s eyes.  “Rey.  You’re hyperventilating.  Now, I want you to clear your mind and only focus on your breathing… try to hold your breath.”

Rey did her best to do as Leia said and tried to let the world slip away until it was only her and the ragged sound of her breathing.  Holding her breath was easier said than done, however, as her lungs worked overtime.  How could she ever hope to become a Jedi when she could barely control her own breathing, Rey wondered as another tear slid down her cheek.

She vaguely heard Leia instruct her to put her hands on her knees, and complied without another thought.  After several long minutes of actively trying not to breath, Rey found her breathing had started to slow.

Leia still stood in front of her, watching over her.  “Good girl,” she commented, and Rey collapsed to her knees, exhausted but still frightened.

“I want to stay with you,” Rey admitted, looking up at Leia as new tears welled up in her eyes.  The words came more easily now that she wasn’t gasping for breath, but the urgency of what she felt remained the same.  “ _Please_ ,” Rey begged, on her knees in front of the General.  She closed her eyes and saw the same vision of her younger self she’d seen back at Maz’s place.  ( _Come back_ , she screamed to the sky as her parents’ spacecraft left Jakku’s atmosphere.)

“Don’t leave me,” Rey pleaded softly, even though it was she who was technically doing the leaving this time.

Leia knelt down in front of Rey, and Rey knew that Leia understood her meaning, even if not all of the words were making sense.  “Sweetheart, I’m not going anywhere -- and neither are you, not tonight anyway.”

Rey closed her eyes, warm relief flooding over her as Leia reached out and wiped away the silent tears running down her cheeks.

“I’ll radio Chewie that the mission is postponed for tomorrow.  Come on,” Leia prompted, helping Rey to her feet.  She held on to Leia’s hand, following silently as Leia led her back to the base, feeling no older than the girl on Jakku she’d seen in her mind.

 

* * *

 

Rey’s quarters had already been packed up in anticipation of her trip, so Leia led the girl to her own quarters.  Exhaustion and emotion played on Rey’s face in equal measure, and the best thing for her now would be to get some much-needed rest.  They would try again tomorrow, and while Leia was completely confident in Rey’s abilities, she knew better than to bring up the inevitable departure any more that evening.

It had been many years, so many years, since she’d taken care of someone ( _Ben_ ) after an emotional meltdown, but the words and gestures came back naturally.  Some of it must have been instinct, as she had certainly built up maternal feelings for Rey during the short time the girl had been on the base.  Even though they’d only been occupying the same space for a few weeks, there was a deep recognition that had passed between them when Rey first stepped off the Falcon and into her embrace.  They’d sensed each other, known each other through the Force.

“Lie down,” Leia commanded, gesturing to her bed.  Rey did as she was told, removing her boots before settling on the mattress.

“You’ll stay with me, won’t you?” Rey asked in a small voice, already knowing the answer but needing to hear it.

“Of course, darling,” Leia answered.  “I’ll just use a little Force trick to help you relax, and then I’ll be right there.”

As Rey lay on her back, Leia closed her eyes and reached out to her with the Force.  She could see it enveloping Rey, surrounding her.  Leia focused on projecting outward her own feelings of love and safety, the Force within her blooming out until it reached Rey, a sea of calm cascading over the girl and cocooning her in contentment.  Leia had used this technique several times when Rey had woken her with horrible nightmares, screaming through their Force connection.  Helping Rey sleep was the least she could do, considering the source of most of the girl’s bad dreams ( _Ben..._ ).

Rey was breathing deeply now, not quite asleep, but her eyes were drying and her muscles visibly relaxed.  Leia took off her own boots and quickly changed into a robe before joining Rey on the bed.  “It’s okay… you’re going to be okay,” she whispered to Rey as she began to stroke her forehead, her cheeks.  And Leia truly believed that.

Rey nodded before turning to her side, nuzzling into Leia’s chest.  “Thank you,” she breathed out, warm emotion rolling off her.  Leia rubbed the girl’s back and arms for another minute until she fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

 

* * *

 

Feeling steady but still nervous, Rey walked out toward the Falcon the next day.  And again, Leia was there to meet her.  To send her off.

Leia enveloped her in a hug.  “I’m so proud of you, Rey.”  Emotion surged in Rey’s chest as Leia continued, “You can do this.  I know you can.”

Rey clenched the beacon Leia had given her, tightening her hand around the small device that would lead her back to the Resistance, wherever it might end up.  And after she found Luke, she would bring him home, following the beacon to bring them both home.  To Leia.

They parted then, Rey forcing down the emotion in her chest.  She could cry again later, but right now she was focused on doing what needed to be done.  And if she started again, she might never leave the base.

“I love you,” Rey managed to get out, somehow, without breaking.  She looked into Leia’s eyes, drawing on the strength she found there.

“I know,” Leia replied, winking at her.  “I’ll always be with you, Rey.  Through the Force, and in your heart.”

With one last nod, Rey let go of the General’s hand and walked toward the Falcon.

“Rey,” Leia called out, and Rey turned back to look at her.

“May the Force be with you.”

_Always._

**Author's Note:**

> Posted in memory of Carrie Fisher. We miss you, Space Mom <3


End file.
